When was the last time you heard a sports coach say “My team does not listen to me” or “My team is out of control and won't do what I say”? If you've ever heard a coach say those things, it was probably the last time he/she was the coach. A coach is responsible for the success of the team and a successful coach will never blame the team or make excuses for the team's results. A good coach knows he/she is ultimately responsible for the success and failure of the team. The same is true for being a parent. As a parent you are responsible for your child's results. So what are you doing to become a better coach/parent? As a parent you are raising your child – our future – from your own thinking, feeling, speaking, and perceiving. Your child is forming him/herself from you – your body language, your speaking, your attitudes, and your emotional responses. The way you react to any given situation, is how your children will learn to form their reactions. They will model themselves after you – Mom and Dad.
Consequently, as a parent, you are responsible for your child's thinking, feeling, speaking and perceiving. In short, you are responsible for your child's results. Does this mean that it's your “fault” if your child has little or no drive to succeed, has emotional outbursts, and/or teachers say he/she is out of control? The answer is that “fault” has nothing to do with it. Fault implies right and wrong. Though, as a parent and coach, you focus on winning and/or your child's results; there is nothing wrong with you or your child. If you fault or cast blame on anyone, then you merely perpetuate what is not working and will consequently miss the opportunity to discover what will make a positive change. Instead of finding fault and/or placing blame, a good coach will discover what works and what doesn't. A good coach will discover how he/she is creating the success or failure of the team.
After discovering what it is that is creating the results, the coach can then shift what is not working. The same is true with parenting. Once you discover what is not working you can move from being at the effect of the problem to being the cause that creates the solution. The moment you see areas for growth you can create a new possibility. You are back in control of your family dynamic/your team. Your child is forming him/herself from you – your body language, your speaking, your attitudes, and your emotional responses. The way you react to any given situation, is how your children will learn to form their reactions. It's your responsibility to be the best parent you can be. It is your responsibility to continue to learn new tools, skills, and distinctions to be effective in the face of adversity. You as the parent, as the coach, are responsible for your child's/team's success. Your “problem child” is giving you the opportunity to learn, grow, and be the best parent you can be. Expand your capacity to be a parent and enjoy your success. What do you have to lose?